Tonight as I sat with my partner enjoying the calm end of the day, I realized that it had been a very long time since Leona went to sleep. She never slept this long at this time, so I went to wake her. Looking down at her she seemed lifeless, though concerned I let it pass, brushing her cheeks to detect movement. Nothing. Moving her shoulder, nudging her to wake, she lay motionless. Frantic and terrified I moved her more, to my relief she moved. Still I was concerned that she had not awakened, I picked up her tiny little body and held her close, waking her gently. I have never felt such fear as I did in that moment, and I fear I will experience many more throughout her young life. How bitter sweet the love between parent and child is, lingering in the tiniest nooks of our soul. It is both a gift and a curse, mingling emotions floating about within, binding us while tearing us apart. We are left to guard our young while left defenseless, what a beautiful thing it is. So strange it almost alludes us, yet we hold in us the most powerful gift of all, we hold the gift of life.
Hi, I was just browsing through blogs... hope you don't mind me commenting on yours. I just wanted to share my thoughts on this particular post because I know and understand what you were feeling at that time.
ReplyDeleteMy son and I are co-sleepers, and I've one night I woke up at three in the morning and was unable to go back to sleep. I just stared at my soon who seemed so peaceful. I scooted closer to him, my face at his shoulders and was unable to detect a sound from his nostrils. I placed a hand on his belly to feel it rise, and was unable to feel it rise. I spoke to him and called his name to see if he would wake up. He didn't. I placed my hand just over his nose to feel his breath, but nothing. I began to panic and took him by the shoulders and shook him, calling his name, it took several shakes to get him to open his eyes. He didn't even open them he was drowsy, for a second I thought there was something wrong with him. I then called out his name louder and brought his shoulders up so he can sit up and asked if he was okay. He opened his eyes a little more and nodded before I laid him back down. He then turned around and fell fast asleep again, this time with a soft snore. Once I let a few seconds passed I listened to his soft breaths and observed his body rise with each breath, finally I sighed and fell back into my pillow.
This is a very powerful post. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDelete